You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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