dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How external is "for external use only"?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
