Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
