I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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