Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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