So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
