You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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