So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
