At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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