Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
