the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
