I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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