Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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