Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
