finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
