very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize