it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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