Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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