There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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