Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize