Swine flu. Run for my life!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
