What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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