everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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