If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
