i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
