we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
