Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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