I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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