its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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