Where is the hickey?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
