I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
