How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
