I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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