Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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