Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
