i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
