I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
