Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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