Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
