# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
