I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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