bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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