Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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