I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
