please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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