Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
"it" just moved
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
