So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think your dad took our porno
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
