Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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