I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
