I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
