Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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