I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
