So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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