I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
