We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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