Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
