if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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