he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she smelled like a LAN party
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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