He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
