Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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