I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
