she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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