Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
