I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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