After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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