Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
