his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
