Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
