I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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