So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
