dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
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i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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