some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
