hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
