I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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