you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
