so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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