Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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