Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
