In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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