The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
