I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He passed out mid-signature
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
