you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
