He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
