I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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